Last week I went on a 4 day class trip with my Technical High School to Jeju Island. It’s an island off the south coast of Korea. I joined around 300 Grade 9 students and approximately 15 teachers. I have never talked more garbage English in my life. “Yes yes you are the Sexy King! Oh I know, bad smell, bad smell. He is so bad smell. Teacher teacher, he is bienna! (brand of sausage, also Korean slang referring to the unfortunate condition of having a small penis)

Our group flew out of Gimpo airport in Seoul, and I took the subway alllll the way from Dongdaemun Stadium downtown to get there. It took around an hour and twenty minutes, but it certainly is the cheapest option. I also was fortunate to have the company of two students that I randomly met while I was waiting for the train. The debasing of my English fluency had begun.

The flight from Gimpo Airport took about 50 minutes, but it felt like 2. I was riding a major high after being told by the stewardess that I bore a striking resemblance to a certain actor named Leonardo di Caprio. Take that all you girls who ignored me in high school. Korea can do wonders for the average white man’s self-esteem, and can re-affirm what one’s mother has told them all along.

Having landed on Jeju, we loaded on to 9 buses, made a quick stop at a museum, and moved on to our lodging – Natural Park Resort. Prior to the trip I had made it known that I “cannot under any circumstances” sleep Korean style – on a mat in a roomful of other mat-sleepers. And while I certainly can sleep in that manner, after the last school trip where I got caught in a major snore competition, I thought that there was no harm in asking. And lo and behold I got my own room, with a bed and my own shower. My students were worried that I would be lonely, but as it would turn out, the evil PA system blasting orders and K-Pop at all hours would be sufficient company.

To be continued…