Carol Brown Dumped Me Via Facebook Message

I, like many people, love the Flight of the Conchords. One of my favourite FOTC songs is “Carol Brown” (Ex-girlfriends):

In honour of this great song, I have written a poem about my ex-girlfriends. It may not be as good, but it is a mostly accurate depiction of my fairly tragic and sad relationship history. No real names have been used.

Stray Blog’s Ex-Girlfriends

Kristy, she refused to kiss me.

Why would she lie and only kiss other guys?

I thought for sure our love was fate

But what I had with Kate didn’t survive Grade eight.

In high school I may have had a shot with Fay

Instead I chose to turn around and run the other way

When I saw Fay a different day

I ran a different way.

I was a little late with Mary

When I asked her out she was already with Harry

So I made a call to Carrie

But she was already with Larry.

I met Eve

on New Year’s Eve

I figured she liked me … or maybe Steve.

But I called the next day

And she said it was okay…

Steve was a bit gay.

Eve and I revelled

But we became dishevelled

After I told people she could be the devil.

When she found out, not a word was said

instead

she poured a full beer on my head.

And then came Valerie

She preferred Mallory.

So I got job with Tina and a salary.

We had fun

until the work was done.

Jacquelyn I liked the most

But she broke my heart

with a facebook post.

And finally, Eileen,

we had a good thing

until she decided

to move to Beijing.

I’ve lost no more girlfriends,

so I guess it’s

The End

Well that brought back a lot of things I’d repressed.